so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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