Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
