Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
