I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
two words...techno handjob
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
