i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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