Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
