soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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