i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
