dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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