hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
