I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
