I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
