I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Randomize
