She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
