i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
