just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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