$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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