My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just want to make out with him forever
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
