Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I love you. Go after that dick
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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