chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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