I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
