I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
