you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
