Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
be right there i have to get my cape
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
