I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I wish you could order shots online.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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