question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Life is so much better after having sex.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
