What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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