JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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