I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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