Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
