dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
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