If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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