So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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