when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
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