I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We left the knife in your bed.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
