it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize