I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
