Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
