If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
