i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
