My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
