Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
