I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
