i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
meet me or not, i'm out of control
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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