At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
