Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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