i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
