I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
