im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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