hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
