So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i think i scared a bird with my dick
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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