it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
