Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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