I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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