I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
