her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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