I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize