Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
