I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
