I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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