wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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