so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
