i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
did i walk over a car last night?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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