This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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