kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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