Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Someone shattered a urinal.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
