I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
