My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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