after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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