So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
