i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
