I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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